Van Helsing Was Terrible....here's a better idea:
When I first heard about Van Helsing, I was excited. Here it was, a dark, twisted action horror where all my favorite movie monsters get together in a big mashup (pun intended). I was expecting something dark, gritty. An homage to the monsters that scared me as a child and made me stay up late at night.
What did I get?
Dracula as played by the lovechild of U2's Bono and Elton John.
Frankenstien's monster who has never had a formal education, lived on rats, and had only the bible to read but somehow knows everything that's going on.
A crappy Jekyll and Hyde.
A really annoying monk sidekick in a movie that didn't need any humor.
The only thing good that came out of that dreadful piece of tripe was the remastering of the old black and white classics.
I think Universal Studios should come out with either a television series or movie set in modern times, resurrecting old movie monsters, starting with the classics: Dracula, the Wolfman, and Frankenstien's Monster.
Title it: Universal Monsters
A satanic cult sacrifices women over the body of Dracula's corpse in an attempt to unleash him once again.
A bio-engineering lab re-assembles the torn pieces of a corpse that was found buried in the frozen arctic.
The FBI hunts down a vicious serial killer that seems to have been active for over fifty years.
For some reason I have an image in my head of Frankenstien's monster trashing a city block with a child's tricycle while the scientists in the lab ask him questions via a neural node in his brain that they use to monitor him. "Why use a child's tricycle?". "Why not?".
What did I get?
Dracula as played by the lovechild of U2's Bono and Elton John.
Frankenstien's monster who has never had a formal education, lived on rats, and had only the bible to read but somehow knows everything that's going on.
A crappy Jekyll and Hyde.
A really annoying monk sidekick in a movie that didn't need any humor.
The only thing good that came out of that dreadful piece of tripe was the remastering of the old black and white classics.
I think Universal Studios should come out with either a television series or movie set in modern times, resurrecting old movie monsters, starting with the classics: Dracula, the Wolfman, and Frankenstien's Monster.
Title it: Universal Monsters
A satanic cult sacrifices women over the body of Dracula's corpse in an attempt to unleash him once again.
A bio-engineering lab re-assembles the torn pieces of a corpse that was found buried in the frozen arctic.
The FBI hunts down a vicious serial killer that seems to have been active for over fifty years.
For some reason I have an image in my head of Frankenstien's monster trashing a city block with a child's tricycle while the scientists in the lab ask him questions via a neural node in his brain that they use to monitor him. "Why use a child's tricycle?". "Why not?".
THIS IS WHERE THE MENTAL VOMIT HITS THE PAGE IN A WET, CHUNKY SPLASH.
I often have really great Ideas that I never really flesh out, and hopefully, I'll be able to do that here. Sample image to be randomly selected and placed inappropriately here.
How I would have done Spider-man 3 (it was awful)I would have gotten rid of Sandman as a character entirely. Mainly because he is just too unbelievable, and we didn't really need a throwback to Uncle Ben's death.
What should have happened, to remain with film continuity and introduce Venom as an acceptable character would have been to build on the technology that was introduced in the first two movies: Oscorp's soldier serum with Doc Ock's A.I. arms. Oscorp joins the two technologies into a programmable uniform that increases strength and aggression. I know, I know. Venom is an alien symbiote. But he was part of an alternate storyline that would have taken too long to introduce to the movie-going public. (It's like Wolverine: yellow spandex is acceptable on the page, but not 30 feet high.) Harry could have been working on this while tortured by the death of his father, but the programmable suit escapes and makes it way onto Peter (who should at no time have his hair over his face like some emo kid, and not dance EVER). A lot of the elements could remain, except Harry's butler revealing that he knew the whole time, because that's kind of a kick in the face because all of the bloodshed could have been avoided. And it makes for bad story-telling. Let Harry figure it out through forensic methods, it makes for a better character arc and allows Harry to redeem himself properly. Eddie Brock could still be played by Topher Grace, and his story-line could still be kept slightly in place, with Harry and Pete teaming up against Venom, and Harry sacrificing himself to kill venom, something he created out of hate and vengeance. | Many of you might be annoyed with these changes, or not like the ideas I have placed here, siting the comicbooks.
The comics, however, played with many of the characters, stories, and even powers. Take for example that Venom was originally supposed to be a woman who had lost her unborn baby in a car accident caused by Spiderman during a battle. Her hurt and rage joined perfectly with Venom's own hurt and anger. This story-line wasn't brought out until Ultimate Marvel, and well after the Raimi films. There have been many retcon's of the Spiderman story: radio-active spiderbite, genetically modified spider-bite, ancient spider-god avatar bite, alternate universes, etc. The themes are what is important with these stories, the Hero's Journey. Not what underwear he wore. |
